Sitting Around the Table
The tables we start out at, of course, tend to be in our own homes, where, if we’re fortunate, we make a connection to family that can sustain us throughout our lives. If not, we may have to seek belonging at other tables. After our move to Pennsylvania, we ended up in a huge brick farmhouse in the middle of a residential neighborhood. The baby boom had engulfed the surrounding farms and replaced them with a grid of tree-lined streets. Our own baby boom—seven children covering a span of 15 years—readily filled the house. Farmhouse kitchens are big. Ours accommodated a round table that could seat, with the aid of a leaf, all nine of us. We had a similarly expandable dining room table for special dinners. There was a picnic table in the backyard. All in all, there was a lot of gathering at tables to take in food. Uber Eats was in the distant future. The family table imprinted on me an appreciation for how people bond over these tables and the meals shared there, how intimate they are, and at times charged with contention. Breaking bread at these tables can be a secular sacrament, a kind of simple sacred ritual that confers grace on the participants. The sensory pull and power of food and drink can ground us in the now, keep us present. It’s also true, of course, that toxic dysfunction can spread at the dinner table, and that is so sad, because every time we sit together at a table, it’s an opportunity to peel away a little layer of the onion and be real. And find the kindness and conviviality at our core.
Building Deep Connections
One of the aspects of building Mindful I have most appreciated is how it was developed not through abstract, placeless conversations and meetings. It was developed in people’s homes, at their tables, or in nearby establishments, indoors, and al fresco. We spent hours convening at countless kitchen tables, dining room tables, patio tables, cafe tables, tables covered in starched white linen, benches, booths, bars, and banquettes. We laughed lots. We listened lots. We learned lots. All to the rhythm that’s introduced by a meal or a leisurely cup of coffee or tea. What could have simply been convenient business relationships became friendships, and a big source of that was the setting. After 18 months of lockdown and video gatherings, I was able to venture out for a little while and realized again how precious it is to spend time across a table from someone, how as relaxation sets in, we reveal ourselves, and time suspends for a while. I hadn’t known how much I had missed it, so I hope as our world becomes more digitally woven together, we can still find ways to be in each other’s intimate nondigital presence, gathered around tables, feasting not just on food, but on human goodness and good cheer.
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Barry Boyce December 4, 2021
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